Bonus: Oh, Canada

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[00:00:08] This is BewilderBeasts, an infotainment show dedicated to inspiring curiosity for all ages by investigating the ways animals intersect at humanity.

[00:00:17] I am not a historian, an ethologist, a researcher, a scientist, a zoologist, a trained audio engineer or an expert in... well... anything.

[00:00:26] Y'all, I'm lucky if I can remember to put my clean laundry in the dryer before it gets funky.

[00:00:31] And while I make every effort to present things as accurately as I can with a fun flair, I'm going to mess up.

[00:00:37] And that's okay. I hope I've given you a nice place to jump off from on your own adventures into curiosity, or at the very least, I've given you the key to win your next round of trivia.

[00:00:46] Hello and welcome to BewilderBeasts, recording 312 miles from St. Barnaby, Quebec.

[00:01:13] I'm your host Melissa McHugh-McGrath, and today, Cows Gone Wild on this Patreon exclusive. Let's go!

[00:01:40] The wind was blustering, the snow imminent. The longest darkest nights of the year were just within reach.

[00:01:52] December 18th to be exact. And finally, the five-month long chase through the towns of Saint-Severet and eventually landing a neighboring St. Barnaby.

[00:02:03] The farming town with only 320 people in central Quebec has come to an end for a few of the fugitives.

[00:02:12] The snow and cold has severely limited the accessibility to food and water, and so under the cover of darkness after a fresh snowstorm, the trap was laid.

[00:02:21] But this plan hinged on utter secrecy. The townsfolk knew and came to watch the free-ranging runaways this would not work.

[00:02:29] The Union in charge of this capture did not even tell the farmer, the owner of the 20 terrorizing cattle, that the trap was set to spring that night.

[00:02:39] And just exactly how have 20 cows terrorized a small community? Well, let's just start with the financials.

[00:02:46] After a handful of cows jumped the farmer's fence to freedom five months ago, they have caused over $200,000 in damages to the community.

[00:02:56] Due to Canadian currency being one of the strongest in the world, that is almost equal to nearly $300,000 in Canadian dollars.

[00:03:03] That is a lot of Toonies and Loonies, Canadian coins.

[00:03:07] I just needed to squeeze that fact in that their money is Loonies and Toonies.

[00:03:11] Carrying on.

[00:03:12] These cows have shut down traffic on the highway for fear of Fords and Chevy's going cablammy into the cattle.

[00:03:17] In the south of the feral cattle has had a few frisky nights behind hay bales, they ended up pregnant and the herd grew.

[00:03:24] Now, baby cows born on the lamb knew not of caged life that their farmly fenced fathers and mothers had lived.

[00:03:30] And this is not a joke, the cows flee into the forest and would come out at night.

[00:03:36] These cows tasted freedom or at least the greener grass on the other side of the fence and they loved it.

[00:03:43] Can you even imagine what hikers would think enjoying a nice jaunt into the woods looking at yellow breasted warblers or something

[00:03:51] and see unidentifiable hoof prints in the soft dirt and then you hear a crack.

[00:03:58] And you raise your head slowly only to see a herd of feral cattle probably sharpening a stick for the attack because they were not going back to the farm.

[00:04:09] Or worse, ninja cows sneaking out of the woods at night like Hia or Children of the Corn that graze under the cover of darkness.

[00:04:17] I'm just bracing for the new wave of where cows fan fiction based on these dodgy dairy divas.

[00:04:22] The town now dealing with some serious damage from the feral flock turned to local government who rang the red phone in Quebec province.

[00:04:30] They'll help us out and the province responded with the speed in which you may have predicted if you've ever had to reach state or county government with any issue.

[00:04:40] Not quickly.

[00:04:45] And again, as predicted, the Ministry of Agriculture said that this was an issue for the Ministry of Wildlife because wild cows?

[00:04:55] And the Ministry of Wildlife said I'm guessing in bad French.

[00:04:59] Oh, well, c'est moi.

[00:05:01] Oh no, no.

[00:05:02] And pointed the finger at the Secretary of Protection for Animals.

[00:05:05] Okay, this makes more sense and then the animals I guess need to be protected.

[00:05:10] But the Society for the Protection of Animals said hired no and sent it back to the Ministry of Agriculture.

[00:05:17] Which does seem like it would be the department to maybe help and help they did.

[00:05:23] By suggesting the local municipality slaughter the cows.

[00:05:28] Marie-Andre Cotaret, the Director General for the town who started calling the Ministry of Agriculture initially for help to begin with five months ago is quoted by saying,

[00:05:40] I'm the municipality.

[00:05:42] I'm wearing high heels and a dress and I am not about to go running around chasing cows, presumably to slaughter them.

[00:05:50] Go get them Marie-Andre.

[00:05:52] Bo vines get bigger, bolder, wilder, uncut.

[00:05:55] They become increasingly more difficult to catch.

[00:05:59] Desperate times call for desperate measures yo and the desperate measures call for a desperado of sorts.

[00:06:06] The Cowboys.

[00:06:08] Canadian Cowboys.

[00:06:10] Oh yeah.

[00:06:13] Yep, Marie-Andre.

[00:06:15] Miss municipality of this town that has fewer residents than pupils in my kids three to five grade elementary school called Cowboys from a neighboring town.

[00:06:26] And yes they wrote in.

[00:06:28] They tipped their little hats and said, I'm guessing don't you worry pretty lady, perhaps in French.

[00:06:34] And they immediately chased down the cows.

[00:06:36] They almost got them corralled until one broke loose and fled into a cornfield where the other cows were able to see cover lay down and hide from the cattle drivers.

[00:06:45] Total time predicted a few hours until catch total time before capture.

[00:06:50] Well, I'll let you know because they're still on the loose.

[00:06:53] They are as of this recording on Christmas Eve 2022 most likely still hoof in it even using drones eight Cowboys horses six foot offencing to keep the cows from escaping.

[00:07:05] Yes, they nearly got them corralled and then they ended up hiding like cow ninjas.

[00:07:10] The head cowboy quoted in the CBC article about this failed capture was very victim blamy and did not come off great.

[00:07:19] I mean it's clear the cows escaped and ran through a fence after a thunderstorm.

[00:07:25] Here's what Mr. I'm here to fix it all and it won't take long pretty lady.

[00:07:30] I'm guessing in French said to a reporter for the CBC about the cows quote most of the people like to keep their cows in fields with good fencing and then they don't let them escape like this for that long a period.

[00:07:44] And quote it's kind of normal for cows to escape pasture like it's always greener on the other side of the fence but you just got to keep them enclosed.

[00:07:55] You can't wait a couple months like this and then expect it's going to be easy to gather them again.

[00:08:00] Y'all you're the cowboy cow and you were the last line of defense.

[00:08:06] Bravo go back to doing your shirtless Canadian cowboy charity calendar.

[00:08:11] Maybe the charity could be fences for farmers.

[00:08:14] It might be more helpful than blaming the poor farmer whose livelihood just went berserker and the government would not help.

[00:08:21] And there are other farmers who are greatly affected by the undemesticated dairy cows.

[00:08:26] Tens of thousands of dollars from crushed soybean fields not from the cows eating it.

[00:08:32] No that would maybe even be forgivable.

[00:08:35] These cows like to lay down and crush the soybeans which kills the crop and the livelihood of the other farmers who depend on these crops for survival.

[00:08:44] The corn farmers did not fare any better.

[00:08:47] The cows ate the top half of the crop.

[00:08:50] I read it in one article as beheading the corn shaft.

[00:08:53] That's a visual.

[00:08:55] So when it rains water gets into the shaft of the plant which will rot it from the inside.

[00:09:00] Hooray!

[00:09:01] And because these farms are on private property, the mayor of the town could not intervene at all.

[00:09:07] Which means that they couldn't intervene to help to do anything until the cows moved into the road.

[00:09:14] I mean maybe these cows heard from the chickens that like to cross roads and I'm guessing that they had some serious FOMO.

[00:09:20] If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, imagine what grass is like on the other side of Route 196.

[00:09:27] Other things that this town has considered and tried to capture the fugitive cows, sedatives.

[00:09:35] But it turns out darting cows proved too difficult because they started to enjoy freedom more.

[00:09:41] They liked humans less.

[00:09:43] I mean same cows.

[00:09:46] Same.

[00:09:47] And once you hit one mama mookow, I'm pretty sure that the others will awkwardly scatter into the forest again.

[00:09:54] Oh! That looks like fun. Hit me, hit me, get me next.

[00:09:59] Unlikely.

[00:10:00] They just moved off into the sunset.

[00:10:02] My personal favorite technique and quote of the entire ordeal.

[00:10:06] From Al Jazeera.

[00:10:10] Quote.

[00:10:11] While this story went far and wide, quote, the most common piece of advice.

[00:10:17] Try to lure them by playing the recorder.

[00:10:20] But that too failed.

[00:10:22] And they know because they tried it.

[00:10:24] The recorder.

[00:10:26] You know that fourth grade parental torture device.

[00:10:28] I mean instrument.

[00:10:30] Weird it didn't work on cows.

[00:10:32] Or rather weird that this was the most requested technique to capture these cows.

[00:10:39] Several people suggested it.

[00:10:42] It's like on the chicken groups I'm in when an animal has a gaping wound and the internet says,

[00:10:48] Have you tried feeding it hot pepper flakes?

[00:10:50] Feed it to them in the morning and it'll heal right up.

[00:10:53] No internet! Go home! You're drunk! Good God! The recorder!

[00:10:59] Okay, but here's where the seriousness of the story comes in.

[00:11:03] As winter continues to descend upon all of us, the water accessibility will decline.

[00:11:09] Rivers will freeze in the cows candy hydrate.

[00:11:12] The temperatures will drop and the snow and freezing rain will most likely wear on the herd.

[00:11:18] Food will become even more scarce.

[00:11:20] And while cows do well outside and can graze when there's access to food.

[00:11:24] They depend on humans thanks to domestication for things like, you know, eating and shelter and water.

[00:11:31] And these 20 cows while they were all young when they peaced out after the sky went boom.

[00:11:37] They are dairy cows meaning at some point the genetics that we bred into them will kick in turn on

[00:11:43] and make these mamas produce milk like, whoa.

[00:11:46] And without someone to milk them they will be at risk of infection.

[00:11:51] Will be super uncomfortable. They need us as much as we need them for dairy.

[00:11:56] So back to the beginning of the story. While the farmer has been pretty quiet with reporters and will not respond to requests to speak,

[00:12:04] it's said that he's pleased to have at least four of the untouchable ungulates back.

[00:12:08] And while the cowboys are on standby as plan Z,

[00:12:11] the local authorities believe that with another one or two covert operations under the cover of darkness,

[00:12:17] MA5 style, CIA style, undercover utter style, in tandem with the cows increasing desperation for food and water,

[00:12:24] they are confident that they will all be captured in return to the farmer.

[00:12:29] Though I'm not a mathologist, reports say that 20 cows initially escaped.

[00:12:36] Cool, some had babies so there are upwards of 30 cows.

[00:12:41] Four have been captured. All of the reports that I have seen state that they only need to catch eight more cows.

[00:12:48] Um, aren't we missing like 18 whole cows?

[00:12:54] I have questions.

[00:12:57] The hurdle, get it? Hurdle?

[00:13:01] I'm so tired y'all. It's almost Christmas. Alright, is to get these cattle acclimated to humans again,

[00:13:06] which given some of these babies have been running from the law since the day they're adorable little hooves at the forest ground,

[00:13:12] it will not be easy. But hey, that's what corn is for.

[00:13:16] Go quietly, patiently and without yee-haw cowboys as even sanctuaries state that cows who have survived in the wild can become very unpredictable.

[00:13:26] And that's super great news when the animals that you're working with have heads like anvils weigh 2,000 pounds

[00:13:33] and are protecting their now wild babies. Sure, it'll be fine.

[00:13:38] And mind you, 2,000 pounds, the size of these cows.

[00:13:43] If they were to charge and hit you, that would be like being hit by, well, yes, a cow.

[00:13:49] But also, and this might be a little bad analogy given that this is Canada, but go with it,

[00:13:54] being hit in the face by the Liberty Bell or a 1979 Volkswagen Beetle.

[00:14:00] So what do the townsfolk think? Well, it seems like most people in the town are relieved or thrilled that this ordeal is coming to an end.

[00:14:09] I mean, after five months of these moos on the run, the townsfolk would like to stop talking about rogue cattle,

[00:14:15] be able to drive without fear of hitting a holstein, and watching as the government completely passes the bull around.

[00:14:21] Well, you know, that's what government does. But there are people who truly believe in the moo cows' newfound freedom and have been cheering them on.

[00:14:29] This senator from Quebec stated on the floor of their Senate, quote,

[00:14:34] while we the people too often get tangled up in small details, these cows have learned to jump over fences.

[00:14:41] Matthew Murphy Perron created t-shirts, one of which I plan to obtain if they do international shipping.

[00:14:48] One of them says, wild, dirty and free. Another, this one he actually wore in a photograph in a Wall Street journal piece,

[00:14:57] is Santa Claus red with a cartoon cow with the words, Viva la Vesces Libres. Nailed it.

[00:15:04] I Google translated it and it says that it means long live the free cows.

[00:15:10] Matthew has been making a tic-toc that now has over 400,000 views.

[00:15:15] 190 activists even wrote a letter to the journal de Montréal that states, quote,

[00:15:20] these courageous animals have dared to dream of freer and happier existences.

[00:15:24] They have preferred a life on the run in the fields of Quebec to life on a farm.

[00:15:29] Without a doubt because the Green Country side attracts the more than metal enclosures and milking machines, end quote.

[00:15:37] The main author of that letter was Virginia Simonyu Gilbert, who is studying at Oxford in the UK.

[00:15:44] She is getting her doctorate in animal psychology, which is why she wanted to submit a voice for the caravan cattle,

[00:15:50] quote, these animals suffer and have a very complex cognitive life, end quote,

[00:15:55] which yes, she is correct cows are smart and we often just see them as big dumb animals.

[00:16:02] However, as stated earlier, and this is me talking, I think there has to be a middle ground.

[00:16:08] These cows are risking livelihoods and are a huge financial burden on the neighboring town

[00:16:14] that these cows have found safe harbor in for the time being.

[00:16:18] And in this writing, I couldn't find out exactly how the farmer that initially owned these cattle treats his cows.

[00:16:24] Plus we bred cows to be domesticated creatures who provide for humans.

[00:16:29] They can still have an excellent quality of life without doing harm to the neighbors towns getting local and country governments involved.

[00:16:36] If there are any indications the cows are mistreated, then sure get involved.

[00:16:41] Be a voice for the cows, but they got out of offense.

[00:16:46] That suggests that perhaps they aren't the kind of cows who are kept in stalls 100% of their daily existence

[00:16:52] and that they just busted out when the thunder hit.

[00:16:56] Perhaps these cows are treated incredibly well by their farmer and perhaps not.

[00:17:01] The farmer hasn't said bupkus and instead he's been letting the Aggie Union guy speak on his behalf, which is fine.

[00:17:07] I think we can all get behind the spirit and the story of the hoof-nit heifers,

[00:17:13] but at some point it's cruel to leave them alone to starve, to die of thirst, to break a leg in the forest

[00:17:19] and have no vet care or worse be alone.

[00:17:22] Cows are social creatures and as more and more cattle get rounded up and returned,

[00:17:27] there is a risk that one cow may live a very lonely life in solitude in the woods.

[00:17:34] Cows live and die as a herd. That's who cows are at their very core. That's how cows work.

[00:17:41] I think in spirit I'm with T-shirt guy and the senator from Quebec.

[00:17:46] Jump the fences, be free, but realistically I think I'm with the town of St. Barnaby.

[00:17:51] The town who has taken the brunt of these cows' damage.

[00:17:55] They need to go home as cows do and do live a rich, cognitive life and cows do suffer.

[00:18:01] It's undeniable that everyone is suffering right now with the uncontained cattle, including the cows.

[00:18:09] So for Christmas this year maybe Santa can put up a little extra hay for our friends,

[00:18:13] maybe do a trough of water, some cow treats like corn, apples. What do cows eat?

[00:18:19] Give them that and bring them home.

[00:18:22] And once there maybe the farmer can fix more than just the fences on his property to make sure they don't get out again.

[00:18:27] This farmer has to mend the fences between towns and animal rights activists and parliament

[00:18:32] and an international cult cow fan club which I am now their number one fan.

[00:18:38] Give the cows some jolly balls, extra activities to do, a hand warmer on the days they get milked

[00:18:43] and as someone who has had mammograms in a very cold room, a little warm can go a whole lot away.

[00:18:50] And we can all buy a cow t-shirt in the spirit of the cows. I will put a link in the notes today.

[00:18:56] In the words of Mr. Murphy Perron, the guy who made the shirts, quote

[00:19:01] these little rebellious punk cows that are sticking it to the man coincide with the brand of Quebec

[00:19:06] that doesn't like being trampled on.

[00:19:09] I don't know how you feel but I like the idea of the don't tread on me cattle

[00:19:13] as opposed to the don't tread on me snake.

[00:19:17] Maybe we could have a poll or a vote of some sort and like have a new mascot for the don't tread on me people.

[00:19:26] And I for one would vote for the Kebukwa cattle.

[00:19:42] Thank you for joining me today on Be Wilder Beasts

[00:19:44] and thank you for supporting this show.

[00:19:48] You earned this, you did this, you make these stories possible

[00:19:51] and I hope that this has kept you company during this break between Christmas and New Year

[00:19:57] or whatever you were celebrating as you are cleaning up after cleaning up your recycling

[00:20:03] or doing art or just taking a couple quiet moments to yourself with a cup of coffee

[00:20:07] or nog or whatever.

[00:20:09] So thank you from the bottom of my little Grinch heart that grows three sizes

[00:20:13] each time I get to do these for the Patreon members.

[00:20:16] If there are topics that you would be interested in hearing on the podcast

[00:20:20] if you know of any historical animals who change the world, animals who help humans

[00:20:24] or other animals on the run please send them in.

[00:20:27] To be a Wilder Beasts pod at gmail.com, tweet for now at Be Wildered pod

[00:20:33] until that blows up thanks Elon.

[00:20:35] Or use your magic button on Patreon, you can message over there and it's the best.

[00:20:39] I've been busy with everything in the last few months covering for a colleague's maternity

[00:20:44] getting ready for the holidays and everything else but things are finally settling down nicely

[00:20:49] so I will start being able to respond in a timely manner over there again.

[00:20:54] I'm Melissa McHugh-McGrath with Mudstuff Media. Now go get curious.

[00:20:59] I got today's information from theCanadaGuide.com,

[00:21:03] SaintSever.ca, AlGisera.com, GlobalNews.ca, CBC.ca and WallStreetJournal.com

[00:21:14] Links as always are in the description of today's episode.

[00:21:18] Intro music is tiptoe out the back by Dan Liebowitz.

[00:21:20] Interestitial music is by MKE2.

[00:21:22] Additional music is provided by Pixabay and freesound.org.

[00:21:27] You know how this goes by now, right?

[00:21:29] Until next month, buckle up and stay curious.

[00:22:05] Artist owned and loved.